2023 Draft RECAP

John

This team will be hard to stop if Jonathan Taylor actually plays. Even if he doesn't, Javonte Williams and Dalvin Cook's brother should be pretty good in the meantime. Also you know Zeke is gonna get all the goal line touchdowns just because Bill Belichick likes to fuck with people.

Best name: Zach Charbonnet

Best pick: Dalton Schultz (9-97) - Rookie and/or shitty QBs like to spam passes to the TE, see Pat Freiermuth last year

Grade: threeve

Ben

I'm honestly a fan of the early Justin Tucker but maybe not before a WR2, Pittman with the following pick seems pretty good though. 

Best name: Jonathan Mingo

Best pick: also Jonathan Mingo (15-170) - I was unironically gonna take him at the end, and not just because I'm biased towards my fellow Jonathans. They gotta throw to someone in Carolina. And I saw some thing on Reddit about how he's been targeted a shitload in the preseason idk 

Grade: eleventy

Connor

I will never forgive Samaje Perine for breaking Jonathan Taylor's NCAA single game record after only one week. Due to how our draft order is determined this was a rare high position for Connor who is probably gonna fuck us all up as usual.

Best name: Jaxon Smith-Njigba

Best pick: Cole Kmet (12-142) - With DJ Moore in Chicago to stretch the field, Kmet should see a lot more opportunities, even though defenses know that Justin Fields can't throw far enough to hit any deep routes anyway

Grade: fourt

Collin

Three RBs in the first three rounds? In this economy? Someone in that stack of 7 WRs will be good though. Aside from Christian Watson of course who is clearly elite already. 

Best name: Puka Nacua. Who the fuck is this 

Best pick: George Pickens (9-100) - I actually like his situation better than those of Marquise Brown and Chris Godwin, I think.

Grade: niner

Alec

Hedging against the Packers is honestly probably a good bet this year which is what drafting Cousins and Goff should accomplish. 0/10 for failing to draft Alec Pierce for the second year in a row now.

Bestt namee: Skyy Moore 

Best pick: Travis Kelce (1-5) - I know right, galaxy brain hot take over here, Travis Kelce is pretty good. But I think he's the clear #1 overall and the first four draftors all fucked up and I'm very disappointed in them

Grade: squiddily

Sean

Lots of boom or bust potential simply because of D'Andre Swift and James Cook's brother both being on new teams this year, and because I legitimately don't know what position Deebo Samuel plays anymore. 

Best name: Olamide Zaccheaus

Best pick: Aaron Rodgers (10-115) - Don't be surprised when he has a great season, I've seen Hard Knocks and he's actually practicing 

Grade: suck it NFL.com

Erik

This is the most zero-RB draft we had and it looks like it turned out pretty good. I would have maybe taken some late round flyers on some guys instead of WR6 and 7 but who gives a shit 

Best name: Michael Gallup, but only because he's a Cowboy and they Gallup 

Best pick: AJ Dillon (7-79) - t h i c c q u a d z 

Grade: schfifty

Paul

I can't believe some teams wanted the QB sneak to be banned because Jalen Hurts is too good at it. Roger Goodell would never allow that. 

Best name: Tommy DeVito, which is saying a lot because this team also has guys named JuJu and Hardman 

Best pick: Najee Harris (4-41) - Fuck the haters, Najee probably isn't a superstar RB1 but he's reliable double-digit points every week and that shit got me a championship last year in another league.

Grade: yes

Austin (Autopick)

I'm unsure whether Daniel Jones or Anthony Richardson is better described as Great Value Lamar Jackson, but this team has them both.

Best name: Rashee Rice 

Best pick: The well-being of his son, over this draft

Grade: F̶̹́̆̀͝Ŏ̸͔̼͇̏̀̒͊R̴̨̛̩͓̈̃͜Ḃ̶̡̄̈͝Í̸̪̱͍͖̪͆͗́̃Ḓ̸̔̋̏̈́͘D̷̹͔͛̄E̶̡̘̘̜̙̓N̴̦͇̭͔̰̈́͊͗

Chris

ceedeez nuts ahaa gottem

Best name: Kalil Pimpleton

Best pick: Alvin Kamara (8-87) - People are acting like he's washed just because he had a down year on touchdowns, well the best season of his career in 2020 came after a bad one too. Kamara as RB3 is honestly terrifying even with the suspension

Grade: math

Jon

I will never forgive the Minnesota Vikings for drafting Jordan Addison and depriving the Packers of being able to have the Love-to-Addison connection nicknamed "The League of ExJordanary Gentlemen."

So I fucking did it myself 

Best name: Chigoziem Okonkwo

Best pick: Cowboys DST (13-155) - Whoever made NFL.com's rankings sucks at their job because Dallas has been top-2 each of the last two years. I probably should not have been able to fall ass-backwards into drafting them as the 9th DST off the board, but there we go

Grade: i'm tired

Emil (Autopick)

It's an autodraft and those usually turn out pretty good and Emil has won the league twice so it'll probably turn out pretty good boom #analysis

Best name: Marvin Mims sounds like a 1920s carnival performer with a unicycle and a waxed handlebar mustache

Best pick: n/a

Grade: F̴̧̿̓̚͠O̵̠͑̄̽̌͘̚R̶̯̎̈̿͜͝B̷̥̄̅̀̆̕̕Ì̵̩̦͆̍̏͌̕D̸̢̺͈̗̲͌ͅD̶͔͇̭͈͌̄͂È̴̺̹͎͓̒̇̑̅N̸͉̘̫͕͇̅